funny Minnesota cold stories

This is a true story, no embellishments:



Jan 31 2007, 02:28 PM
I too, am tired of winter, but, I think it isn't over yet! I am on my 3rd hose this week!! I busted 2 ( yes, 2 count em!) hoses on Monday evening and Tues morning. I broke my favorite hose Mon night, ( I always blow my hoses clear to prevent them from freezing up on me, apparently, there wasn't enough air in me the last time I blew the hose out...NOT!), it snapped right in half like nothing. So, I got out the cloth hose thinking I put it away dry last fall it should be clear and off we go... well, the thought was good, the actual experience wasn't, the hose was frozen, ( apparently it WASN'T dried out this fall, and so I brought the hose into the house to thaw it out and try again in the morning. Morning arrives, ( much too quickly, I might add,) I am late getting going so I am, of course, hurrying through morning feeding, but, I have the hose unfrozen, I take it outside, and attempt to hook it up to the hydrant, ( in the dark, no lights, no barn you get the picture?) damn thing won't screw on, the hydrant threads have ice on them, I use my bare hand to unfreeze the threads ( minus 12 degrees mind you, but, my glove was frozen to the hydrant handle anyway), then finally the hose screws on! Success!!! I quickly throw up the handle on the hydrant ( my fingers are freezing you know and I want to get my glove on), and whooosh!!! Yep, the hose explodes, into my face!! * note to self,... cloth hoses are not designed for Minnesota winters! I have ice cold hydrant water, straight from the well, in minus 12 weather pouring into my face, my hair, down my coat, you name it I am getting wet. Now, I am thinking I am in shock cuz I must have stood there bent over taking on this water onslaught for what seemed like hours before it occured to me to shut the damn thing off!!! I can't see any longer cuz water has pooled in my glasses, I can't breathe cuz water has entered those orifices that were over the hydrant ( nose and mouth). Normally, I don't say much in the morning cuz I am usually tired and not awake yet,and the horses are used to this, but, for some reason, cuss words started spewing from my mouth, and my horses were curiously and warily looking at me wondering I am sure which one of them was the recipient of my loud and profane language! Did you know that ice globs form on glasses with water on them in a matter of seconds? I can't see, can't walk, ( my pants have frozen stiff almost immediately, my jacket and hood feel permanently attached to my hair and neck, even my eyebrows are frozen together!! ( now that is a funny feeling!) But, trooper that I am I continue to stuggle with getting water to the boys, and feeding the mares, they continue to eye the strange woman among them who used to be their pet, but now resembles an abominable something... I just wish I had video of it, cuz now, it strikes me as funny, even if it wasn't then, I did make it in time for work, I didn't lose much hair peeling it from my hood ( the bald spot will grow back I am sure...) AND I went out and bought an expensive hose this time! (OK, all of $7.40!), I am set for the rest of winter now!! I mean how much worse can it get than that? No WAIT, don't answer that!!!