exasperation

Had my dr appt yesterday, told him how badly I needed to get back to work ( these disability checks just aren't enough to cover my monthly expenses). So, I talked him into letting me return @ the end of Aug. But, the restrictions he put on my return are so unrealistic I can't believe it! My job description requires I be able to lift up to 50 lbs, my limit to return to work? 5 lbs!! Now, who in their right mind ever thinks of how much 5 lbs actually is? The weight is so light it is almost inconsequential! A gallon of milk is 7 lbs, for crying out loud, my truck door is heavier than that when I open or shut it! ( That has actually been kind of difficult to open and close...) So, needless to say, my supervisor isn't really happy about my workability sheet, I can't twist or torque with my right arm, and no lifting above chest level with my left arm... So, where can I work? No where is my thinking, I can't clean instruments cuz the trays are over 5 lbs. I can't clean shelves because many of them are above my head, ( and the inventory on them is over 5 lbs.) I might be able to put together charts ( joy...)but, that won't take 8 hours every day either.
Don't get me wrong, I am not displeased with my recovery, and neither is the dr. he just thinks that I am trying to get back into the whole swing of things too quickly ( but, he doesn't live on my wages either). He is really concerned about me dislocating the elbow, and then I would be starting over again with the whole shebang.
As far as my left shoulder, I guess I should be pleased with the progress I have made there, I have completely normal range of motion, some strength, and much less pain than when I first injured it. MRI is going to show what the real problem is I guess, but, I have to wait for the ins, company to approve that test.
Speaking of bills, man, I can't believe the cost of hospitalization! And to think I complained about a $1000 emergency room bill ( for pneumonia 4 yrs ago)! The amount is staggering, for this injury! I am very glad to have insurance!
The upside of all this time off, is I get to spend the summer with my son! We have been to the beach every day so far this week, and he has enjoyed it immensely!
The other good thing is I have had time to help my mentors with my bee hives, ( and theirs), since I can't lift my 70 lb boxes ( I have plenty of honey, let me tell you!!) I have been trying to help out in other ways, like watching their children so they can get stuff done, and have some alone time. Hopefully, it is enough.
I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from my church and friends, there is a gentleman from church coming over today to mow my lawn, ( he fixed my mower , again, since somehow the air cleaner and cover fell off and got mowed over...) with my mower so he can check it out to make sure it runs alright, and I get my lawn mowed! It is so difficult to rely on others to do things you are so accustomed to doing yourself! And it is sooooo hard for me to ask for help!! Why is that? Number 1, the guilt; I feel I should be able to do these things, but, I can't even wring out a mop! how sad is that!? Number 2,: the loss of my independence, I have prided myself on my ability to be completely independent, able to figure things out myself without the help of a male around. I have replaced the belt on my dryer drum, I can change my own oil on my car, I can change a flat tire, I can take off the pipes under the sinks in my house to clean out the trap ( remember, gravity and I argue often, gravity wins!) Heck, I can even change an element on my water heater if I had to ( have the tool, don't ask why...)
Now, I can't even change the belt on my vacuum cleaner, ( need the use of 2 strong hands for that), and I am too proud to ask someone to do it for me... how stupid is that? People I know, want to help, but, how do I just let go and let them? Better I think, for folks to just take over and say, this is what is going to happen and you can't change it, so just sit down and relax, ( not that I would relax when someone is doing my work for me, )
Crap, enough feeling sorry for myself, Tomorrow is Garlic fest in Hutchinson, and we have been preparing all week for it! We are going to have a booth there and will be demonstrating extracting honey from the hive the entire day!!! It is going to be a great day! My box of honey is plum full! My mentor thought I should enter a frame in the State Fair, but, I am too anxious to extract it and get honey! Besides, I am definitely not up for a State Fair visit this year, ( as well as it being cost prohibitive).
Happily, I will have enough honey for Christmas gifts ( my goal this year). And perhaps even some for purchase ( haven't decided on that yet).
Enough with the whining...